The label of "Marxist Feminist," for example. Does my getting married cancel out my desire to call myself a Marxist feminist? No. It doesn't. I still find capitalism abhorrent. I still want to throw off the shackles of oppression and run free in a world where I am valued for my brain and wit, and not for the size of my waist. Yes, I am having a wedding. Yes, some people spend tens of thousands on weddings. Yes, sometimes people can get super consummerist while planning their wedding and throw fits if they do not have everything just so. I am not doing that though. My fiance and I have a budget. 95% of that budget is providing a meal to our guests. 3% is providing our guests with alcoholic beverages. 2% of it is getting a dress and a suit and renting out the space and paying the district justice and making the space look pretty. Most of our expenses are providing things for our guests. Not ourselves.
Yes, we have a registry. We did not want one, but my family is super conservative and refused to send checks to Planned Parenthood and Human Rights Campaign. As we found out, being poor, allowing people to help you out and get you things you need to start out is actually nice. At my showers thing weekend I got silverware and plates and cooking utensils. It was nice, I never could have gotten these things on my own. Don't worry, what cash we get will be donated somewhere. (Our covert way of getting people to donate without them knowing).
Yes, we are going on a honeymoon. But we aren't booking expensive hotel rooms and the like. We are going camping or renting a small cabin or both. We are going hiking. And we will probably be doing this around D.C. so we can go to the free museums and the free zoo.
But I am getting tired of people telling me I am not a real marxist feminist because I am getting married. Yes, marriage is a system that privileges one set of people over another. Yes, it was long used to oppress women and force them into servitude, and all that jazz. As Lisa Miya-Jervis, from Ms. Magazine, said in 2000:
Marriage's bad reputation among feminists is certainly not without reason. We all know the institution's tarnished history: women as property passed from father to husband; monogamy as the simplest way to assure paternity and thus produce "legitimate" children; a husband's legal entitlement to his wife's domestic and sexual services. With marriage rates falling and social sanctions against cohabitation falling away, why would a feminist choose to take part in such a retro, potentially oppressive, bigotedly exclusive institution?
However, feminists can claim marriage for themselves, we can throw off history, break marriage in half and remake it in our image. Feminists seem to be opposed to marriage when it is between a man and a woman, but are also fighting so desperately to bring marriage to queer couples. Is this not a double standard? If lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgendered, genderqueer, ect couples see marriage as a valid institution worth fighting for, than why should it not be? These couples do not see marriage as the domination of one partner over the other. I do not, either.
My partner and I are very untraditional, and we think there is a way of making our marriage untraditional, too. Why can't marriage work for us, too? We are both feminists. We are both strong-willed individuals who understand that the other person has needs, and respect that.
Finally, the label thing. If someone wants to claim a label, it cannot and should not be revoked by other people without true cause. For instance, just because I am getting married does not mean I am not a feminist. Valenti did it, I think I can, too. I am not giving in to patriarchy. I am fully aware of the history of marriage, of the long standing abuses made in the name of marriage, and the structural violence perpetuated by marriage. But I am changing that, I am going to be a visible example of a wife who works and persues her own career, who keeps her own name, who negotiates with her husband on a level playing field, and is in all respects an equal. No one can take the label of feminist away from me.
I realize that Sarah Palin has also claimed to be a feminist, and she clearly isn't. Her beliefs do not line up with the feminist world view. So, yes, a lot of people claimed she was not a real feminist, and took the label away from her. However, I have taken women's studies courses. I have attended conferences, marches, rallies, and read all the books, subscribe to Ms., read feministing. I have visited Karl Marx's house! I think I can call myself a Marxist. Part of feminism is to make sure women can form their identities independent of men. Let me do that. Let me have an identity. Let me define myself.
